I think I can safely say that the majority of any pain or sadness I feel in my life at present, and that is manifested in my body, is not completely due to traumatic or negative experiences that I have lived through. I believe that most of the toxic energy and blockages that I currently experience are actually present due to my disassociation with my painful experiences.
I never truly lived through painful experiences at the time. I wasn't fully there in my body. And long after those experiences had ended, I never allowed myself to feel them. To be fully present in my body and to let the experience be heard and felt.
In the spiritual community this is known as 'Spiritual Bypassing'.
Not allowing yourself to experience painful or uncomfortable feelings and instead painting them over with positivity.
Unfortunately, living life in this way is also a dangerous form of disassociation.
For me, disassociation and spiritual bypassing have been a safety mechanism. If I'm not fully here in this difficult situation, it won't really be happening. I won't have to deal with the trauma of this situation. And, most importantly, I won't have to feel the pain, because it will be bypassed.
Energetically, of course, the difficult or toxic situation was actually happening and the pain from that situation was storing itself away in the fabric of my body and soul, waiting to be re-lived again so that one day it can be properly dealt with.
However, if I never allowed myself to re-live it, and if I went so far as to make myself forget that it ever happened, I will never allow myself to process the experience and all of the emotional energy that goes with it. And so the pain lives on, in our heart and minds, chipping away at us.
More and more experiences happen to us over days, weeks, years. Beautiful experiences, uplifting experiences, but also painful experiences. There is no sliding scale of negative experience in your heart. Anything that does not come from a place of love can be an impossibly painful experience to your soul and can cause your survival instinct to block it. To disassociate. To spiritually bypass it.
When we are taking into consideration the vitally important Black Lives Matter movement, we can see where this spiritual bypassing problem can manifest in those who are watching on the sidelines. Those who feel scared, powerless and hurt by what they are witnessing.
But think about the soul pain that black people are experiencing.
For black people, every racist attack, every micro-aggression, every racially charged experience is attack on a soul.
As a person of colour, a brown woman, I know that I have disassociated through most of the racist experiences that I have lived through because my body felt that they were too painful to deal with. Those experiences are still living within me and chipping away at my soul and inner-being.
Black people experience the worst racism out of any racial group. Their experiences will be chipping away at their souls too, at an even greater level. Soul pain; through the violence they have faced and the trauma and suffering, both individually and collectively. Every person's experience is different and painful in different ways. Even across one racial group. But the soul pain is ever present.
Now we come to you, the audience of this post, whether you be white or a person of colour. The pain you are feeling reading this and all other Black Lives Matter posts and stories will hurt. It may cause you to want to disassociate, to spiritually bypass and forget about everything you are reading and the pain you are experiencing.
But remember this.
If you refuse to experience it now. If you choose to spiritually bypass. That pain will carry on living within you. In your soul and body. If you refuse to acknowledge it and feel it now, at this time, you are doing nothing but a disservice to every black life here on our Earth and, in another way, to your own soul.
Allow yourself to feel it. Any anger, pain or sadness. Live it and process it, do not push it aside. And allow it to galvanise you, to stand up and do what you know is right.
When they say 'Live in the present,' this is what they mean.