Self Love - Those scary words
Updated: Jul 22
What is love? An age old question.
Is it an action? A feeling? A state of mind?
We can associate love with another person, another thing. But can we associate it with ourselves?
I, like many others, learnt the lesson of self love the hard way. I was so used to associating love with other people and other things, I constantly looked for it everywhere. In every person, every thing, except from within me. And I was always left wanting.
When I started channelling the Great Spirit, The Universe, whatever name resonates with you, I was stripped bare.
It blew like a cold wind through me, taking all of the unnecessary parts of me with it. Only my essence was left, and I was suddenly made aware of the pain, the lack of self love, within me.
I didn't know what to do with all of these uncomfortable, painful, cloying feelings. I longed to go back to my old numb self but, as many in the spiritual community will tell you, once the door has opened you cannot go back.
With the weight of a constant inner critic, self doubt and inner resentment constantly battling to take hold of my mind and state of my being day in and day out, you would think that I would naturally realise I needed to change my mindset to a more loving one. It felt like it was exhausting to be me. To have this pressure on my body and soul. The floodgates of spirituality had opened and I was finding out, in an overwhelming way, which negative habits had been running the show this whole time.
My body and soul was crying out for self love.
But I had other ideas, unfortunately.
I seemed to think that by working myself harder, by trying to be of more 'value' to world, to be more productive, I would become happier. I had seen the term 'self love' pop up in different spheres and decided I could use that as an incentive or a reward for myself. Maybe in the form of a 'self love' bath, a 'self love' hot chocolate, a 'self love' shopping trip. However, I would only deserve and receive that little bit of 'self love' if I felt I had earned it.
Do you ever think that I got to a point where I felt I had earned it?
No of course not. Because I was letting my negative inner critic be in charge. Why would my inner critic ever let me feel worthy, feel valued, feel loved?
I don't think I need to tell you this at this point... but one bath at the end of the day, is not your full quota of self love fulfilled.
If you are tokenising self love to the degree I was, you're probably not even going to enjoy that bath when you do get it, because there will be even more that you feel you need to do.
Self love does not need to be handed out in little morsels. You do not need to 'earn it'. It is not a token part your day.
Self love is a choice. It an everlasting way of being. It flows and changes with you throughout your day.
It is the simple rule of:
Are you actively choosing love in your life or are not choosing love in your life?
Here are a few ways that I encourage self love within my life, that have really helped to change my mindset around the term:
I breathe in love for myself everyday, I breathe out love. I receive love freely with my left hand and I give love freely with my right. Every thought and decision, I check in with my heart; does this feel right or wrong? I celebrate myself everyday. I smile more often and show my emotions freely. I check whether I am doing something for my authentic self, or if I'm only doing it for someone else.
You will find that there are areas of your life where you find it easier to practise and give yourself self love, and there will be parts of yourself that you find it really hard to give love to. That's okay. You are living, learning and evolving.
What I can tell you for certain is, the more you show up for yourself and the more self love you flood yourself with, the easier it is. I promise.
It may start as a little drip, but if you make that choice everyday to start leading with love, the floodgates will open and you will wonder why you never thought to love yourself more in the first place!
Lots of love to you,
I would love to hear what self love changes you have made in your life!
♡ @the.divine.heart on instagram ♡